One of the things I have realized in the 3 short years I have been a student pastor, and the even shorter 1 year I have been a dad, is how priorities are passed along. There is a principle of passing priorities. As a pastor and a parent I am always passing along priorities. In how talk, act, and I live I am constantly teaching others what I prioritize and what I don’t. My daughter, Ansley, is only 13 months old and she is already mimicking and acting like others. Sometimes she acts like other kids she has seen and sometimes she acts like her mom and I. For example, Jody and I were hugging one another the other night and Ansley ran over and wanted in on the hugging session, so she put her arms around us and hugged as well. By hugging and loving my wife I am passing along the priority of outward displays of affection and love for my wife, which will in turn lead Ansley to show affection in outward displays, love for her mother, and give her the inward delight of having parents who are crazy about one another.
In student ministry I can tell a lot about a student by talking to their parents and I can tell a lot about parents by talking to their student. By the priorities I observe in a student’s life I can tell what a parent is passing along, at least most of the time. To some degree the principle is still there. Whether you, as parents, are aware or not you have an incredible influence on your children. I’m sure you were more aware of this when your children were younger, and now you may feel or think that you have no control or influence, but you do. It doesn’t just stop because your child is a teenager. They still see you more than anyone else, and you are the steady and consistent voice in their life. Don’t neglect this trust of God. I want to encourage you as parents to evaluate what priorities you are passing along to your children, even now.
Jesus is the best example for what it means to pass along priorities and how to live what is of first importance. He was constantly doing this in the lives of His disciples. He took every opportunity to teach, instruct, guide, and pass along priorities. He did this in His words and His actions. For example, in the Sermon on the Mount He is passing along priorities. He shows them the priority of seeking true happiness and what it entails: spiritual bankruptcy before God, sorrow for sin, humility before God, a hunger for God, a display of mercy, a pure heart, a peace-making mentality and an expectation of persecution and the priority of rejoicing when it comes (Matthew 5:1-12). He shows them the priority of being what they are (Matthew 5:13-15) He shows them the priority of the commands of God and how they are to relate to them and the priority of having His righteousness (Matthew 5:17-20). He shows them the priority of focusing on the heart and dealing with heart issues instead of outward conformity (Matthew 5:21-48). He shows them the priority of giving to those in need and prayer and then teaches them how to pray, and how to fast (Matthew 6:1-18). Next, He shows them the priority of laying up treasures in heaven instead of on earth (Matthew 6:19-24) and the priority of trusting in the supplying hand of God in all things (Matthew 6:25-34). He then teaches them the priority of looking at yourself before addressing others (Matthew 7:1-6) and the priority of asking from the Giver of Good (Matthew 7:7-11). He then shows them the priority of treating others better than yourself (Matthew 7:12-14) and then closes with the priority of coming through the narrow gate that leads to life (Matthew 7:13-14), living a fruitful life (Matthew 7:15-20), doing the will of the Father (Matthew 7:21-23) and building your the house of your life on the Rock of God’s Word (Matthew 7:24-27).
In all of this He was ultimately teaching them the priority of the King in the Kingdom of God and how life was to be lived as a subject in His Kingdom. The life, teaching, and death of Christ has been passing along priorities forever and will continue to do so until His return. God is a God who has graciously passed along priorities ever since the first word from His mouth was spoken. You could say in some sense that the Bible is instruction for our priorities: God first and God alone, and then everything else. The principle for passing priorities is the Word of God. As parents we have also been entrusted with passing along priorities in the lives of our children through the Word of God and lives that live in accordance to it.
So what are you passing along? What are you teaching them to love and hate? Are you teaching them to love Jesus above all things? Are you passing along a priority for spiritual things, things that will pay eternal dividends or are you passing along a passion for all things temporary and fleeting? Are you passing along the priority of loving others or talking about others? Are you passing along the priority of the local church or that it is optional? Are you passing along the priority of studying God’s Word and of prayer or that meeting with God is something you can get around to later?
I was reading this morning in the book Age of Opportunity by Paul David Tripp and he was talking about how his father had taught him the importance of family worship (something he now practices with his own family) and he gave this example: “I remember one period of time when my older brother Tedd was working first shift at a factory. He had to be there between 6:00 and 6:30 a.m. Dad got the rest of us up at 5:00 a.m. so that we could read and pray together. Then the family would go back to bed as Tedd went off to work. I don’t remember much of what we read, but I remember how the unaltering commitment to family worship impressed me. I remember thinking that it must be very important because nothing got in the way of our family time of reading and prayer! (p.190) He then went on to talk about the importance of attending the local church, and how they would go even on vacation and the only thing they ever did on Sunday morning was go to church. Clearly, his parents passed along certain priorities that he is now passing along to his children.
After I read that I spent the next part of my morning evaluating what priorities my parents had passed along to me, and how I desire to pass along those same priorities to my children. Here was the top 5:
5 Priorities My Parents Passed Along to Me
1) Everyone is Your Friend: My dad can make friends with anyone and everyone. He knows people everywhere and people always remember him and how he treated them. Whether we were in a restaurant, the grocery line, or getting a car worked on my dad was making friends. He treated everyone as if he had known them all his life. He would find out about what was going on in their life and how to pray for them and how to minister to them. He never missed an opportunity and still to this day it is the same way. This constantly challenges me to develop relationships with anyone and everyone and to always treat people with the utmost respect. He put into practice what it means to love your neighbor as yourself by putting flesh on this commandment before my eyes.
2) Evangelism: A second thing my dad passed along to me was the priority of evangelism. He is always sharing the gospel. As a child I remember the many times my dad shared the gospel with people at the store, at the house, and at the church. I remember entertaining myself often because dad was sharing the gospel, and there were several cues in conversations with others that would let me know where dad was going…he was going to the cross and he was taking others with him. Whenever we see each other we are always sharing stories about sharing the gospel and the triumph of Christ in rescuing sinners before our eyes. I always look forward to the stories of Christ’s victories when we get together. This is a priority that he has passed along to me.
3) Jesus is the Best Topic of Discussion: My mom has emphatically taught me that Jesus is by far the best topic of discussion. When I was living at home we were always traveling places. My grandparents always lived a few hours away as well as our family friends, and the majority of the time I spent riding with my mom was spent in conversations about Jesus. Even to this day when my mom comes in town or we’re together, the majority of our conversation is spent in talking about the Love of our lives: Jesus. It never gets old, it never gets boring and we’re never trying to move the conversation on to something else. Jesus is the best topic. My mother is constantly learning about Jesus and is always willing to tell me what she is learning and what He is showing her. My mom always lifts my heart to love Jesus more and to spend more time with Him. This is a priority that she has passed along to me.
4) Sing Your Heart Out for Jesus: A second thing my mom has passed along is the priority of singing your heart out for Jesus. My mom is a singer and an unashamed singer at that. When she sings she’s only aware of Christ, and it’s a bonus that it sounds really good. She sings as if she is before His throne and loving it! When I was young we listened to tapes and songs that sang Bible verses and many of those songs I listened to when I was young are still in my mind. I remember my mom teaching children’s choir and instructing us in the hymns…I love hymns and I love them for their rich content. Most of the music we listened to and sang to was rich in content. We never went for what was popular but for what was good. We listened to so much Christ-exalting music that I had no clue who New Kids on the Block were until a few years ago. I missed all the trends and didn’t care to know about them. I never missed out…my mom was passing along priorities. Even last week when she was in for Thanksgiving we were riding out to Lowe’s to pick up something and on the way back she heard “How Deep the Father’s Love for Us” on my stereo and cranked it up to a level that almost hurt my ears and we both sang our hearts out for Jesus! Two grown adults acting like children before our Heavenly Father…it was beautiful! In that moment, she was still passing along priorities.
5) The Local Church: I learned to prioritize the local church from both of my parents. It would be safe to say that over half of my life has been lived inside the building of a local church and all of my life has been connected with a local body of believers. I was a PK (Preacher’s Kid) and the church was my second home. We lived and breathed the local church whether we were with the people or away. We were always thinking about them, praying for them, and living with them and I never missed anything the church was doing…ever! Sunday morning, Sunday night, Monday night visitation, and Wednesday night service. Attending the local church was never an option for me, and it was never discussed. I can’t remember missing any Sunday services in my life, except maybe in the few rare cases that I was really, really sick. There had to be visible signs of sickness for me to stay home and that was rare. When I was in middle school I remember having a hard time at church, all right, so I had a hard time in elementary school as well (I was actually in a few scuffles in elementary school and had to write some letters of apology, etc.) but in middle school there was a time I remember screaming at some friends how I was never coming back for how they had treated me. I vowed I would go to another church where the people were nicer, etc. I informed my parents of my decision and they reminded me of theirs. I never went anywhere. I stayed put even though my worst enemies and the people who had hurt me the worst were in my church. The funny thing is, those very people became my best friends. I wasn’t allowed to bail out, and I’m so thankful. I learned the priority of the commitment to love and forgive and ask for forgiveness even when it is hard. Loving people is always difficult, but the love is always richer the more you go through together and in the end you see the way the God’s grace and His love conquers and covers wrongs done to one another. I never would have seen that, and I never would be as committed to the local church and loving people as I am today if my parents had not passed along that priority.
May we pass along priorities to our children that they may esteem and love Christ with deep and increasing passion, and maybe we’ll find our children writing in the future about how their parents passed along priorities to them.
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